I saw a post from a friend earlier this morning that read “stress can kill you.” And it is, indeed, a very scary thing – it would make a great Halloween costume! Stress in the workplace is such a common phenomenon, that it is no wonder there are hundreds of articles discussing the topic and offering advice on how to deal with it. After all, according to the American Psychological Association’s annual “Stress in America Survey,” a whopping 65% of Americans referred to work as a top source of stress in 2012, and in 2015 money and work still remained the top two causes of significant stress. Although I have found most articles helpful, I can’t help but notice that most of these tend to emphasize solely on stress emerging from work situations or the work environment. However, sometimes stress comes from other sources that don’t necessarily relate to our work experiences. So I’ve decided to break down the sources of stress in the workplace into three categories: Stress from home, Stress from work, and Stress within you.

My personal life is falling apart.

So maybe your job is great (yay!); maybe you love what you do and can’t truly complain about the work itself. However, even though we’ve often heard the phrase “don’t take your work home with you,” what happens when home comes to work? And yes, I know a lot of us have probably also heard the phrase “leave your personal life at home,” but that’s not always so easy, is it? Sometimes life happens, and you can’t help but stress about it all day long. Here are two steps that have helped me, and may help you as well. 🙂

1. Get real – One of the first things to do in this situation is to grab a hold of reality, and understand that your troubles from home cannot be solved while at work. It sounds harsh, I know, but a firm grasp on the reality that worrying about your personal difficulties will not take you any closer to solving them, will help you place these worries aside and help you regain focus on work (for the time being). If it truly is an overwhelming event, you’re better off taking a personal day to work through it, and come back to work when you feel refreshed. Nonetheless, if you’re already at work and you’re having a tough time setting these worries aside, here is something I like to ponder on when I start to worry: “Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” In other words, can you gain anything extra in life by worrying? Not likely. What do you gain by worrying? Stress.
2. Get to work – Once you leave work, get to work on solving your problem. Home-stress factors can be a lot of different things for different people. One of the most popular is usually financial troubles; are you in debt or is there an income problem? In this case, get to work and start to handle your finances wisely; take the time to develop a plan of action. It could also be marital/relationship problems, family illness, or even a more serious event like a death in the family. If this is the case, remember that there is no shame in getting help. Professional assistance is always available to help you cope with this kind of stress, as well as a trusted friend or relative you can rely on. When you make time in your personal life to resolve these issues in a healthy way, it leaves room for focus and dedication in the workplace. If you don’t, then you will most likely feel obliged to spend time thinking about these issues, as you have not dedicated any time to solve them elsewhere.

I hate my job.

Alright, so maybe you do hate your job. Maybe you are feeling undervalued, unappreciated, and unfairly treated. 😦 Perhaps your boss/supervisor is not the kindest, or perhaps your work environment is a toxic one. Regardless of the reason, it is never healthy for anyone – you or the company – to feel miserable at work. Here are some things to keep in mind.

1. Be rational – A great thing to keep a handle on is the proper perspective; is this all in my head? One way to reflect rationally and see a situation from the outside-in, is by writing an email or note of what happened and how you’re feeling, not sending it, and reading it over to yourself (I will emphasize, do not send your angry email to your co-worker/supervisor/boss/customer – it never remedies anything, trust me 😦 ). Not only will this exercise help you re-evaluate a situation, it also serves as kind of a “woo-saah” type of healing. Reading it over will make you ask relevant questions like “am I overreacting? Is this the right thing to say? Are these the proper words to use? What could have been done differently?” etc. Additionally, it might be a good idea to save these emails for yourself and keep track of what your triggers are; i.e. what “ticks you off.” You can then transform your quick reaction to these kinds of situations into a wise and appropriate action in the future.
2. Have boundaries – Although a great success, technology has also been our downfall. I know there are times in which we feel we have to be the “Yes-man” and be available 24/7, because why wouldn’t we be? It’s our job, right? Not exactly. Of course, there are many responsibilities that come with your job title, but there are also times in which you can say “No,” and your boss will understand. When my husband first accepted his current job, it was a great career opportunity for him and he was very excited. However, he was starting to constantly check his emails while being at home, which made it difficult for him to be a part of the family, and caused both him and the family a great deal of stress. Once he established the boundary between home and work, everyone was a lot happier. 🙂 Of course, by “everyone” I mean me; if mom is not happy, then no one is happy 😉 . But, with my attempted jokes aside, it is needless to say that placing boundaries is healthy and acceptable.
3. Have communication – We all wish that our peers would just know when something would not sit quite well with us. Unfortunately, none of us are mind readers and we all think differently, therefore communication is needed. You may want to try simply speaking to your boss about your level of stress. By “speaking,” I cannot stress enough that this does not mean “complain.” It means discussing how you are feeling and asking what you can do to improve the situation, or how can you work together to come to a healthy and adequate solution. If you are with a good company, you can rest assured that you will be helped and encouraged – some companies even have programs that offer professional help if you need it. If you are, however, within a toxic work environment in which your concerns are not properly addressed, then you can feel at peace by making the decision to take your talents elsewhere. Being constantly stressed will contribute to short temper, anxiety, and many more health issues that will significantly impact your productivity on the job. To give a quick summary of my experience, when I worked for a previous company some time ago, I experienced all of these symptoms, which caused me to lose the quality of my once acclaimed, and even rewarded, customer service skills. This particular company was an incredibly toxic one, and although I did stress about what I would do once I left, it was the best decision I ever made. If this is the case, a great tool to use in your new job search is a staffing agency – they are wonderful and there to help! Not to mention today I work for one of the best, and could not love my job any more if I tried. 😉

I can choose to be happy.

Last, but certainly not least, is my favorite topic of almost every article/study I’ve read on managing stress: managing yourself. This was the one thing that all of my research had in common, which I will completely agree with. Many times we think that happiness is an effect of our circumstance, therefore making it a strictly dependent emotion. However, happiness is not so much an emotion reliant on context, but an action that will ultimately affect how we feel. Take talking to yourself, for example; if you constantly feed yourself negative words, your natural reaction will be to feel bad about yourself. Yet, if you choose to feed yourself uplifting words, your natural reaction will be to feel uplifted. The choice between being happy and miserable can have a huge impact on your stress level. After all, stress itself is not so much what happens around us, but more so how we perceive our circumstances. Try it out for yourself; make the choice to be happy for a whole day, and see how you feel.

1. Stop comparing – As I came across an article discussing work tension, I loved how they phrased this idea as “leave the Joneses alone.” When you start to feel bad about yourself or how your life is going, it could be because you are comparing yourself to someone else. Your experiences will never be someone else’s, so you should focus on the accomplishments you have made, the goals you’re running towards (or the ones you need to start working on), and the joys you’ve experienced. You should also remember that what you see from people around you on the outside is not always a clear representation of what lies on the inside. We all have our struggles, and we all have amazing successes. Focus on the latter.
2. Get some hobbies – Don’t forget to treat yourself. When you make time for the things you love, it will help you tremendously in reducing stress. It is important that you disconnect from the world for a while, and reconnect with the things that make you “tick.” If you’re not sure what you would enjoy or you don’t have any hobbies, try out some new things – or simply have a “me-day” where you can take naps if that’s what you’re into. Whatever it may be, take the time to do things that will uplift you and create positive experiences in your life.
3. Be spiritual – This one surprises some, but being spiritual will actually help a great deal with removing stress. The American Psychological Association advises that you take the time to relax, and calls it “a state in which you actively observe experiences and thoughts without judging them.” For me, personally, prayer works wonders; my days are a million times better when I start off with a prayer and thanksgiving. Nevertheless, if that’s not your thing you may want to look into something like yoga, or meditation. Making the choice to relax, to be thankful, and to focus on positive things will automatically set up your mind and body for positive outcomes throughout your day, making it hard to see the negative side to many situations.

In Conclusion

Remember to not freak out! Although these tips were the ones I found to be most helpful, a lot of what I have written comes from my own personal experiences as well – the lessons I’ve learned the hard way, and the ones I’ve learned from studying. The truth is that there are many ways in which you can manage your stress level and take control of it, so don’t make my mistake; try to learn these tips ahead of time before you explode! >_<

Make sure that you take care of yourself, eat healthy (which I didn’t dive into, but taking care of yourself physically will also affect how you feel emotionally), find some hobbies, and ask for help when you need it. Most importantly, remember that whether at work or at home, when you feel stressed you do not have to go through it by yourself; remember that you are not alone. Stress will lead you into deceiving yourself, thinking that there is nothing you can do and that you have no one who can help, and you just want out! Remember that this is a lie. Any great company knows that we are all in this together, and when one member does not function well, the entire company does not function well. Know your worth, don’t fight it alone, and be confident that you can kick that Stress-monster’s butt! 🙂

By Nayadee Wilson