For the most part, I feel that mothers are genuinely appreciated by everyone, but not all mothers feel appreciated. A lot of times we only show that appreciation on Mother’s Day or special occasions, like birthdays. Or, sometimes, we forget to show that appreciation at all. We forget what being a mother truly involves, which in turn diminishes our appreciation for them altogether – especially for a working mom. The truth is, there are several different kinds of working mothers, and I think they all deserve some recognition today, just because.
The mom who works full time, twice.
When we think of working mothers, this is the first and most obvious kind that we think of: the mom that’s employed full-time outside of the home (or maybe remotely, from home), with a 9-5pm schedule or some variation of that. What we sometimes fail to realize is that the work for this mother doesn’t stop when she gets home. Once she’s done with her outside employment, she is now working full time with her children, and that takes a lot of energy. There are some mothers that have two, even three jobs outside of the home – this is a kind of stamina that isn’t easily conjured.
Before getting married, I was a single mother living in a two-bedroom apartment with my special-needs child. My daughter has a rare condition known as STXBP1 Genetic Mutation, and so a lot of times (for two years straight) my daughter would have seizures in the middle of the night (around 1 or 2am), vomiting everywhere because of it, and crying frantically. I would get up, clean her and her crib, do my best to comfort her, and get her back to sleep (the seizures were so common that I stopped taking her to the ER – there was nothing they could do for her, anyway). Then I’d wake up at 6:30am to get us ready and drop her off at my mother’s house before having to go to work, full-time, 8-5pm Monday-Friday. Nights like these were common, happening two, sometimes three nights in a row; there were several physical and emotional breakdowns that came along with these. After work, I picked up my child and went home. I’d do therapy exercises with her, give her all of her medication, make sure we were both fed and everything in my apartment was at least decently in order, to then do it all over again the next day. Working full-time for an employer plus working full-time with your child is something that needs more than just hard work – it requires determination, patience, strong will, love, and a lot of strength from parts of you that you didn’t know existed.
To the twice full-time working mother: we see you, we appreciate you, and you are not alone.
The mom who works full-time, non-stop.
This kind of mom takes a lot of heat sometimes; mainly not being considered a working mom at all. This is the mom that’s constantly working with her kids: the stay-at-home mom. It amazes me how many people can have the perception (sometimes subconsciously) that these moms pretty much have it easy, staying at home drinking wine and watching Netflix – I wish. I’ve come to find that the people who think this have usually not had much experience with kids. Truth is, raising little humans (especially all day, every day) is incredibly exhausting, difficult, and not for the fainthearted.
Today I am married, have two toddlers at home, a third baby on the way, and I’m employed part-time, 2 days a week. I remember when I was talking to my cousin’s wife, telling her that I’d love to be able to stay home with my children and care for them myself. She gave me the biggest look of “you don’t say…?” as if this automatically meant that my aspiration in life was to be a stay-at-home do-nothing wife.
Whelp, here’s how my “do-nothing-wife” typical day pans out: On the days that I’m home, I also watch my little 6-month-old nephew/godson. So, on these days I’m up no later than 7am (that’s if my 2yr-old hasn’t come into our bedroom at 5 or 6am, which is never the case…), I get my 5yr-old ready for school, and put her on the bus by 7:30am. Then I tend to my 2yr-old (diapers, food, clothing, etc.) until my nephew is dropped off around 9am. Throughout the day I am feeding, changing diapers, and taking care of these two children (this includes teaching activities with my 2yr old, like ABC’s, numbers in English and Spanish, manners, how to pray, etc.), and then by 3pm my 5yr-old gets home from school and I’m now up to 3kids + the one in my belly :). And let’s not even mention the house work, like cleaning and laundry. Throughout this entire ordeal, most days I don’t get to eat lunch until about 3pm, and even then I have my toddlers lurking around me like vultures to eat my food.
By the time bedtime rolls around (8pm for the kids), I barely have enough energy to stand. Yet I don’t get to clock out from this job – I’m still mom throughout nightmares, and sick days, and random acts of defiance by my toddlers, and I simply thank God that I’m able to do it, and that I have a great husband who helps me through it all (Patrick actually makes it possible for me to have an occasional “Netflix day” without everything falling apart). But it is tough – it would take pages to truly list all the daily tasks that a stay-at-home mother has to do, over, and over, and over again.
To the full-time, non-stop working mother: we see you, we appreciate you, and you are not alone.
The invisible working mom.
I find that this kind of mom is never usually thought of; hence the “invisible” title. For the most part, this mom isn’t even referred to as a mother at all. This is the working mom that carries her child in her womb. Yes, in my opinion, expecting mothers are mothers too. Do you have any idea how physically challenging it is to support a growing human from within you? It is an incredibly taxing ordeal! While pregnant, your body is fully responsible for providing that growing baby with all of its nutrition, protection, and shelter. Your energy is drained, your blood volume increases (as well as your weight, yay…) your hormones can get out of whack, your joints and ligaments suffer, there’s back pain like no tomorrow, nausea, heart-burn, intense fatigue, etc., etc., etc. Needless to say, a pregnant woman is the kind of mother who is working 100% physically, 100% of her time, usually on top of working for an employer.
I am now pregnant for the third time, and each time has been harder than the last – I guess that’s mainly because I’ve had an additional child to chase after with each pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, expecting a child is a wonderful thing, but as I mentioned, it certainly comes with its challenges. There are women who just love being pregnant, and we all have a different experience; it’s easier for some and harder for others. Nevertheless, it’s still hard physical work – some even compare it to climbing a mountain. My nights consist of maybe two consecutive hours of sleep before waking up to either adjust myself (because it’s almost impossible to sleep comfortably at 7-months pregnant) or to go to the bathroom, and then hopefully getting another 2 consecutive hours of sleep – if I’m lucky. After doing a few tasks throughout the day I feel like I’ve run a marathon while carrying a sack of potatoes, yet have no choice but to keep running. Keeping food down is sometimes a lost battle, I almost always need help putting on my shoes, and after about 30 seconds of chasing after my 2-yr-old to change his diaper (because he refuses to actually use his potty – he just sits there and “pretends” to go), I’m out of breath. Being a mother means doing what you can to take care of your children. Going through all that physical work in order to nurture a growing human inside of you is taking care of your unborn child – that’s a mother if I’ve ever seen one.
To the invisible working mother: we see you, we appreciate you, and you are not alone.
The retired, working mom.
This is the mom whose children are all grown up, and the “hard times” are over; you are retired – or so you thought. I am obviously not there yet, but I can tell you that mothers with adult kids are in no way not working anymore. Retired working moms are still working to help their children in their new adult needs: guidance, financial support, childcare help, and friendship – their work never stopped. Some of us wouldn’t even know where we’d be if it wasn’t for the support of our mothers.
Throughout my entire life and motherhood journey, my mother has been the biggest support I’ve ever had. When I was younger, my mother had to watch me make some really poor choices, not being able to do much about it. Watching your child go down a wrong path can be very daunting; it’s very emotionally draining, especially when you don’t know what the outcome will be for your child. Yet she roughed it out with me after my phase of bad decisions, she’s helped me with my kids, she’s been there for comfort, advice, you name it – she’s been my best friend, and she’s never stopped working with me. Then later, when I got married, I got the best mother-in-law I could ask for. I’ve heard horror stories of people with awful mother-in-law’s, but I’ve got to say I’m happy that this is not my case. She’s an incredible role model for her kids, she’s helped my husband and me tremendously in many great ways, and she is never unavailable – she never stops working. These are the never-ending working mothers.
To the retired, working mother: we see you, we appreciate you, and you are not alone.
The laid-off working mom.
Sadly, these are the mothers who have lost their child. Being confronted with unexpected life circumstances, these mothers were robbed of their children, and “laid-off” from being a mother to that particular child. I can’t say I’ve been there, I can’t say I can imagine what it’s like, because I really can’t. But I do know that these are also working mothers, still. They work every day to honor their lost child, to keep their memory alive somehow, and to move forward. Some have experienced this loss when their child was very young, some when they were older, but it’s a painful loss either way.
A little while ago, one of my closest friends died unexpectedly. His name was Thapelo Hill, and there was a multitude of people that came to honor him at his memorial service. At the end of the service, his mother got up to speak. Amazed by the amount of people that had been impacted by her son’s life, she began to speak of him, and holding back tears, she said “I knew my son’s light was bright, but I did not know it was so big.” Her work does not stop there – everyday she continues to honor her son in one way or another. This is an amazing, working mom.
To the laid-off working mother: we see you, we appreciate you, and you are not alone.
Mothers:
No matter what, whether you are employed, unemployed, expecting, etc., all mothers are working mothers. If you do the best you can to take care of your children, you are a hard-working mother. Oftentimes we make the mistake (sometimes without realizing it) of judging each other and what we do, even judging ourselves a lot harder than we would anyone else. Instead, you should take some time today to show some appreciation to all the working mothers you know, including yourself if you’re a mom. 🙂
To all the mothers out there: we see you, we appreciate you, and you are not alone.
Written by Nayadee Wilson
ComputerPeople Staffing Blog 